Hello

I grew up going to church. As a very young girl, I remember asking Jesus to come into my heart, and that I believe in Him. I remember getting on my knees to pray, reading my Bible daily, completing reading it several times (and I didn't cheat skipping those "pesky"numbers on the book of Numbers), and singing and playing music to God, connecting with Him in worship. Still, growing up going to church 4 services a week as a child, and then going to public school left in me an unexpressed and somewhat unconscious mentality of a secular and sacred divide in my life. In other words, I had my real life at church, and my secular life at school. 

Somewhere in high school, I came to understand that I desired to make a decision as an older person now, feeling a sense of responsibility and conviction about how I need to live my life everywhere, including what seemed as secular environments and areas of my life. I asked my mom to lead me in a prayer, and this is the moment I remember my commitment to Jesus in every area of my life would begin. This meant when it was easy to lie to my parents, I remembered God's commands to honor my father and mother and I lived according to His Lordship in my life instead. This meant I would not date around, but would maintain a serious commitment to only getting to know the one that I would seek God about whether he would be my husband.  Most of all, this meant I was in for a lot of lessons in my life up ahead.

For whatever reason, I had a false notion in my mind that I would need God more in my youth, as is commonly referred to as the "wild years", and that as a young adult, I'd have this life thing down on my own so to speak.  I remember reading 5 chapters of the Bible a day, and somehow God trying to tell me I'd need to read 10 chapters after my high school years. It seemed like a hard task at the time, and I kept it at the back of my mind but didn't act on that wisdom. Now it seems to me that the number might not necessarily have been the point, much like in Jesus' answer to Peter about how many times he ought to forgive others (Matthew 18:22). It was a message to me that, no matter our age, we would need to grow more in our knowledge of God through His Word.

My relationship with God was always very important to me, and yet the pull and influence of the secular world seemed to offer a more "realistic" perception of the world today. The places I fell short in my relationship with God were eating me from the inside out, and I felt I could relate with the words of the psalmists as they prayed in agony. My decisions seemed to open the door to ailments. It wasn't until I placed God in the proper place in my life again, above everything else in my life, that my walk with Him and my life would begin to improve, although my consequences would not improve right away. 

Through all of my troubles, God taught me how his name Immanuel does not only apply to the fact that the Messiah would come and be with us in the flesh one day, but that God would be with me, giving me the grace only He could give me during extremely difficult situations in my life. One day I became afraid and wondered if my life would be cut short, due to the health complications I was experiencing and the lack of answers from the doctors. I thought to myself, "What if this is it? What if I didn't get to do the things I felt God wanted me to do, like share the songs I felt He inspired in me and share my faith in Him with others?" I wondered how it would feel to approach my Lord somewhat empty handed.

I believe God used this opportunity to awaken me spiritually. It wasn't enough to be a Christian and have a mediocre relationship with God. I remembered the hands that were placed on my head in prayer, and a sense of knowing what I could contribute in the Kingdom of God with my time here on earth. Why was I so busy not prioritizing these things? I decided to start sharing music and videos about what I would learn about God on YouTube and social media. I thought perhaps the people that know me would listen to me more so than a random influencer on YouTube. I started to be approached by a couple of women asking me questions about my beliefs privately. I decided I would do this publicly now. This was something I could do despite my ill condition. 

And so this story began. I left out many details that maybe one day I'll share elsewhere, but for now, this is the heart behind why I do this for God. Through my videos I have been able to share my faith in Jesus with others. I pray God is making Himself known to others through them. He has given me the opportunity to learn more about Him and about resources available for further research through the interviews I've conducted on my Christian life YouTube channel. I am so grateful for how God has met my hunger to learn more about Him through the scholars who have said yes to having a conversation with me. I love sharing what I learn with others. That is the teacher heart in me, and I am so grateful for you who learn along side of me and sometimes even offer things for me to grow more in Him as well.