I feel the same way. Everyone's life looks different in some ways, but very similar in how busy they are. Learning apologetics is probably one of the last things on most people's priorities. My life sometimes feels like a connect the dots puzzle. One task leads me to the next and so on. By the end of the day, I didn't even complete all the tasks of my puzzle, and the next day I keep trying to finish it, but there are more dots now. Kind of like a hamster on a wheel. So it seems I definitely don't even have time to complete the basics on my to-do list, let alone have any extra time for learning apologetics!
I think many moms can especially relate to my feelings. Something that I've come to learn, however, is that feelings can be wrong. This sounds so counter-cultural in today's world where feelings are never wrong, but the basis for making decisions and understanding our reality. One day I will share the longer version of this story, but for today, let me just say that in my search for understanding why there aren't a lot of known women apologists, I discovered that I didn't feel like learning apologetics, at all! There was no innate desire for me to learn apologetics, but I became convinced that some things, like learning math, are not about having a desire to learn them, but that it will be necessary to know them in this life.
Although the feeling of desire was missing, what led me to pursue learning apologetics might possibly still fall into the feelings bucket. My feelings were that of reluctance: unwillingness or disinclination to do something*. I knew that although I might be content with my faith, my children might one day have questions that they would find many different answers for, and I want to be the first one to provide them with these answers. So now that I knew in my mind, and sort of in my heart, that learning apologetics was worth kicking something else off of my hamster to-do list, I was now met with the challenge of finding where exactly I could fit in learning about apologetics.
At first, this looked like listening to apologetics videos on YouTube while washing dishes, folding laundry, or cooking. Then I began to read apologetics books, which has now turned into me joining a women's apologetic book discussion group. I have found a few minutes of free time to read in the morning on my bed while my kids are still asleep, and in the night when my kids have fallen asleep. Ironically, I am currently looking for ways to make more time to pursue a certificate in Christian Apologetics.
The feelings that were missing in the beginning, have gradually turned into a passion for learning more about the truth in Christianity. It's not just head knowledge I'm pursuing, but my love for my Savior Jesus Christ is growing as I pursue knowing more about him through apologetics. When you love someone, you pursue them and endeavor to know as much about them as possible! And this is what I am finding is the heart behind learning apologetics. We learn apologetics because we love our God, and we also love those He loves enough to provide them with a defense for our faith. Whatever you are able to learn, in however way you can, I want to encourage you to take that first step towards learning apologetics.
"but in your hearts honor Christ the Lord as holy, always being prepared to make a defense
to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you; yet do it with gentleness and respect" 1 Peter 3:15
If you are interested in joining Girl Talk Apologetics, find more information here: https://www.girltalkapologetics.com/