Setting Boundaries as an Introverted Mom

When I asked to see the two kittens I would potentially adopt in a private room, it was obvious one was a little more social than the other. The one I really had my eye on was hiding behind the trash can. The lady who worked there had to get her and bring her towards me. She was like, "Come on, try to get adopted".

In fact, as the lady first came in with this kitty, she mentioned that she was difficult to get out of the crate. That she was a feisty one.

Fast forward some four years, and she can still be wild when she is startled or anxious, but mostly she became the cat that enjoys, maybe even needs, to be petted each day. It just clicked for her one day. She lets me snuggle with her for a few minutes on the bed, including when I don't feel well. Sometimes, she even wants to sleep in the bed by my feet. I kid you not, her head is resting on my left arm as I type this. So cute.

Cats can change. People can change. But mostly, we are still who we are.

I have always been someone who doesn't like to be around high energetic, loud people when I am just waking up. I might have an occasional high energy morning every now and then, but mostly, I need quiet to wake up.

Mom would walk into the room super loud, singing her usual songs to wake us up for school. Today, my kids will ask non-stop questions and provide conversation topics first thing in the morning. I love them, and I want to answer them, but I also need to respect quiet-loving-mornings me.

One of the biggest challenges I've noticed about my experience in motherhood has been dealing with the fact that I am an introvert doing an extrovert job: being a mom. I need a lot of silent breaks to recharge throughout the day, and if I don't, I can become like a cat, ready to hiss and say "Back off".

I sometimes notice the seemingly less introverted parents in my life and how easy it seems for them to communicate and have spontaneous lectures with their kids. My reality is, I'm surprised when a conversation goes well, like "Wow, I was able to communicate that really well".

But mostly, I have found myself needing to gear myself up. It usually begins with a deep breath. Then I tell myself this talk is needed. Then I muster the energy I need for this talk. Sometimes, I'm running on low at the moment and it is what it is. I try not to stutter. I try to find the right words, but my kids are patient with me and wait for them to come out.

This is me. This is me as a mom. I've always enjoyed quiet. I hear myself think a lot when it's quiet. But motherhood has demands.

Something I've learned is to communicate to my kids about my needs. It usually goes something like, "I'm the kind of person who needs..." This way they know it's not that I don't want to engage in the topic they are discussing, but that it's just who I am.

I've started to not feel guilty about asking for quiet during the morning breakfast table. "Let's just eat our food". I've started to also realize I am drained in the middle of the day and need a nap. Yes, I'm spoiled as a mom of older kids. It's hard for moms with young toddlers to be able to take naps, but you'll get there one day!

And I've learned to take time for myself during the evening, which is when I feel the most drained. I usually get on the treadmill and exercise a couple of hours. Taking care of myself is a new thing for me as a mom. I used to put myself last. Come to find out, that's not really good for you or a good example for your kids who will one day need to manage their own stress in life.

There are still a ton of things I need to learn, but I'm happy to report that these new boundaries, that have been kind of a brave thing for me to set for myself in a loving way with my kids, have been a good starting place.

I hope if you're struggling, you can be encouraged to find what you need to respect about yourself and make the necessary changes.

By the way, my cat is still here. Patiently waiting for her turn with my hands.